maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
