Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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