Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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