Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
