Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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