They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
