The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i will never coherently bang her
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
