put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
