there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
