whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
