wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
