So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
