Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
