He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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