Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
