She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
