are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
