She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
