i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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