either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
