im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
