Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
