WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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