I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
