Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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