Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
