I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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