So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
