Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
