Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm passing your future prison.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
