I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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