it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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