HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
