It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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