I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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