Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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