you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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