I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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