the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
