I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Randomize
