Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
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