Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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