I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
