But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
