white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
