I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
