like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize