This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
