last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
