I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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