Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
