I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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