bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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