nut hugger
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
