you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
