I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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