by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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