no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize