I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
