just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
