My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
