that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
