I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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