i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
