youre lurking in front of me
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
