apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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