He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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