he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
