This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
