I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
