My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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