I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
