Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize