All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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