imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
