Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
