I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
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