This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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