butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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