Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's not a walk of shame if you run
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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