This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
be right there i have to get my cape
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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