I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
