shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Did I show you my penis last night?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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