hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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