I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
