You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
