Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
