yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
