I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
