**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
