people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
