if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize