to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
