PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
