weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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