I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
